So I ended my poetic triumph by claiming :
“If you do not want my love, then take steady with no affection at all!”
Denying at any rate the childishness of this scheme. I warn you not to expose me. It is an assault on my senses.
To ask to consider a proper proposal of a communion, a compromise, a well laid defeat – well sir, I only come with a single mind, no better or worse for your fanfare. Fortunately for me, no such tug-a-war of strife or vexing mechanism of human indecision bothers me to such degree of high entity. I am as ridiculous as proportions tends to go, with no intention of withdrawing my forces. “Selfish to the very end, Miss Scarlett O’Hara!” Then so it be dear friend, and let me make a remarkable mark on this world. A boot to the end.
And that is my plan thus far. No, it has not gone too far, but I know within these short, stamped sentences, were the precise moments when you fell in love with me.
** I found this as one of my drafts from some months ago last year. Funny to read your own words and scarcely recognize where you could have gotten them from. I somewhat laugh and admire my overdone belligerence. Having drowned myself steadily in red wine and old comedic Chinese movies, I’d say this self-denial stage of post-break up is heaving itself along.
“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.”- Stephen King